Calorie Restriction

Monster

There is a monster inside me.

It is waiting to burst out.





The stipulated date is 6th February 2009.

Oh it seems like an eternity!

To free myself like a bird flying out of a cage.

Claw my way to the naked sun.

Hydrotherapy


Photo: jere-me

I went "swimming" with the dogs today.
Hydrotherapy, a fancy name.

I don't like it.
But it's still better than staying in camp.
Just that there'll definitely be training.
Which is bad most of the time.

But today it was ok.
So one day just passed like this.

Working with Dogs


Photo from KM Photography

I have been working with dogs for 1.5 years and I have been hating it. The main reason why I hate it is because it is after all, the army, and I don't like to be forced to do things I don't like. When I say I am a dog handler in the army, people almost always say that working with cute dogs is so cool. But I have always hated it!

They don't see the washing of 36 kennels everyday, sometimes even on weekends(!), the shit (literally) we have to bear and the pee we have to siam. Before I was here, I never thought I would have to step on dog shit intentionally. My department is called AES for short and someone coined a term for it - Always Eating Shit.

As if there isn't enough shit smell in the air already, we have much smokers in the unit. They smoke everywhere. Even if they smoke far away, we can still smell it from afar. I mean, if they wanna get hoodwinked by the Tobacco companies and smoke themselves to death, it's all fine by me. But don't drag the smart ones with you please. I can't even shit in peace sometimes, next to my cubicle someone must smoke. I sort of understand the addiction to smoking and I pity them.

Now one of the scary things about my job is undergoing training by our boss. That's one of the worst that could happen. Because if you make mistakes, he will shout and scream at you, sometimes even with vulgarities. I don't agree with his way of teaching because I think it makes us afraid of training. That is why we are reluctant to do training so much. He directs his shouts too personally. You feel like you are born a defect.

But.. In spite of all the complaints I have, I think there are many good things about my job.

First of all, there is no field camp or obstacle courses to go through. There is not much tough physical training, only a few 5km runs per week.

Dogs are cute sometimes. Although taking good care of dogs is tiring, it is satisfying.

I can clear my offs on the dates that I am free.

Although my boss is not that reasonable, he can be quite reasonable at times. And he does give us some privileges.

I can go on nights out every day. But on Tues and Thurs I have to return by 9pm. And staying out is better.. But still, better than no nights out.

Arghh.. actually, when I think about it.. the goods are not that good after all. The bads are more bad than the goods. But.. I'm going to ord soon, just have to tolerate for 2 months more..

It is done.

I worked on this layout on 3 separate days. It is finally complete!

I have learnt quite a bit about using CSS and layers while making up this template.

Technically, though this template is "complete", I am not complete.

I will never be complete, because life is a never ending journey.

I will keep growing.

Newspapers, again

I admit that my previous post about newspapers was not very well written. That is why anonymous had posted such a comment. I am appalled that you should use such an aggressive tone. It may not be offensive to you, but it is to me. I don't know what pleasure you derive from writing that way, but I hope you do not talk that way in the real world!

Now, my goal is to be a simple person. I believe that everybody should go back to their roots and get closer to nature. I keep things simple by not bothering myself with things that do not concern me. It is good to be an informed individual I'm sure but I do not find pleasure in that. In fact, I believe that we all are suffering from information overload.

To me, there is no point knowing about how Obama's campaign is going, why Thai workers have threatened strike or how many students died at a recent school shooting. These kind of news do not enrich me, neither do they play an important part in my life. I would rather take the time to improve myself more practically. If you scrutinise the news carefully, you would note that news is made up of only a few things. Political news, financial matters, crimes, punishments etc.. All of which do not interest me. They are pessimistic, dry stuff. Of course, occassionally there is news of a different kind just to prove that newspaper is not always the same stuff. The only news I am interested in is just science and tech stuff. But I'll rather go somewhere else to learn about that stuff.

I don't normally read newspapers, because it's very commercialised. There are many advertisements. Yes, you say that you can always choose to read what you want. But I'll rather just free my mind of unnecessary clutter, instead of choosing what to read from so many pages. I have enough of choices in my life.

Anonymous, I did not say that news claim fewer people die of disease than from traffic accidents. Please do not put words into my mouth. By the way, not everyone is as smart as you. You go ask around the people who frequently read newspapers and you ask them: do more people die from disease or accidents? I do not know the answer. But I think many people believe that accidents happen more frequently, when the opposite is true. I do not have proof. It is just an intuition, okay? Come on, not everybody has a critical mind.

So, the fault does not lie with the media? That is true. The fault lies with those who are gullible enough to read newspapers, watch the news and take things for granted. Even if one has a critical mind, it is best to steer away from temptations, because humans are not infallible. The best solution is to DO SOMETHING MORE ENRICHING THAN READING NEWSPAPERS, DAMNIT! Personally, I find that being around innocent children is an infinitely rewarding experience, you learn much from their open minds and hearts.

But hey, if you want to continue reading newspapers it is up to you. It is your life, after all. All I ask is that you let me live my life and do not assume I have the same opinions and goals as you. Do not think that I must do what is right to you; your justice is not my justice, our justice is not true justice. So I give to you only my point of view, I do not expect you to understand it, nor follow it. I am not so self-important.

Of loving

My mother advised me, "Don't follow in my footsteps. I loved at too young an age, and I was hurt. Love when you grow older."

I was angry. The voice in my head retorted, "If I never love, how will I know what is love? How to love?" I disregarded her advice. I loved and I was hurt. Then I learned a little more about love.

I always wonder if it would better if I only loved when I was more mature.

Because of everything that happened, I now fear love. I fear loving and I fear being loved. I wonder if I will be able to love again?

I forgot about songs

One more thing. Songs are another form of indoctrination. Basically, it means they are no good. I try to minimise my listening to songs (hahah guilty pleasures), since they can implant ideas into your mind without you knowing it. Love songs, with their heart break and stuff, "diamonds are everything". After listening to the same old lyrics, I might be tempted to believe they are "truth". Song lyrics hardly change. They are rigid and inflexible. Not worth it.

At least classical music etc, although your emotions might be influenced by the composer, your mind won't be contaminated with stupid ideas. Actually, most song lyrics are quite safe, but still pick your songs carefully. But in the end, they're still quite rigid, I would rather have my pleasure from something else..

no to newspapers

NO TO NEWSPAPERS!

I was indoctrinated from young that news is good and lets you know more about teh world. Sometimes when I say I don't read newspapers, people are surprised and they ask, "but how would you know about current affairs and what is happening?"

Why would I want to know what has happened? Why do I bother myself with things that don't concern me? "But sonny, you need to be concerned with the world, too many youngsters are not getting involved with their country and the world, and that is not good!"

Sure, please read newspapers if you please, but please do not believe everything. Do you realise that, more people die of disease than of traffic accidents or whatever not? Many people find riding motorcycles to be unsafe, because "there have been so many motorcycle accidents". Their perception has been skewered by newspapers. There are so many murders! So many crimes! This is because the newspaper mostly report bad stuff.

Say no to news!

flexibility

So I read Practical Intelligence by Albrecht and I learnt quite a few things. One significant thing was about mental flexibility. Whether you want to be someone who stops learning and fit into a mold or you never stagnate, always refining your mind according to new experiences. I find that people around my age tend to become quite jaded (I'm talking about myself as well lol). They might stereotype things and be stubborn about their thoughts. I.e. This will always be the way, it will never change. I am certainly always frustrated when people say I am like this, that's why I do this. They never even bother to think about what they have said. I say, do not subscribe to the idea that leopards do not change their spots. While it is true to a certain extent that I behave in a way that has not changed much since I was a cute little boy, some things can be changed for the better. Sometimes, it is because you limit yourself that you become limited and you give yourself the excuse to be limited. (This is one incoherent paragraph, I hope you get it LOL)

It is sad that society as a whole is being dumbed down by the general media. Especially TV. I have always hated TV. It is one of the worst things to spend your time on. Children under 2 are not advised to watch TV because they require exposure to real life faces and emotions, etc to grow (what pediatricians say). But I demand that nobody should watch TV. When you watch TV, you get into a trance state and you become more easily influenced by advertisements and bad influences. I will not go into detail. TV programmes also feed junk to your brain. The worst thing is, you won't know it when most of your ideas come from TV.

And there are stupid magazines like Men's Health, FHM etc which I never saw until I got into army. Because people read them they become dumb. I don't feel like elaborating more because I don't have a clear idea why they are bad and I don't feel like thinking about that now. Yeah I'm lazy shit. =)

What I'm saying is that supposedly "adult" things are bad and "childish" things are good. When you're a child you learn the most and you appreciate the world the most. You don't close off your mind. That can be bad by itself, since that's what makes smoking and alcohol so prevalent. But I'm saying not to take anything too far, and always keep an open mind. Trust me, a good way to enrich your mind is to think, to experience. To do that you can try reading real books and travel to other countries. And of course, you can start by thinking. Which means you must not trust what I have just said, neither must you distrust what I have just said. Keep an open mind =) Be, not become.

twenty

Yeah, another change in address. I have changed the subdomain names many times. It all started with auroralight. Then came sorrowfuldelight, gleamstreet and finally this. My dreams have changed over the years. I don't know if I have changed much, because there's a part of you that never changes-

As I near twenty, I begin to accept myself. I want to be true to myself. The hardest thing to is be true to yourself, because to be true to yourself means to be true to others.. I think.

Genmai chagayu?

Today I followed the recipe of brown rice and green tea porridge. (genmai chagayu, another version of chagayu that the Japanese eat after the New Year's feast to restore balance to the body)

too hungry to not eat =P

I started by cooking the brown rice in some salted water, then I threw the tea bag in (yep, the cheap way). I left it to simmer for a while. I had planned to leave the tea bag in forever, but I accidentally tore it. I was afraid that the tea leaves would spill out, so I took the tea bag out after a while.

45 minutes later


I stir-fried pork with sesame oil and palm oil, with some white pepper as seasoning. [I hate black pepper, man] Then I turned off the heat and put pork, lettuce, parsley, dried onions and pickled lettuce into the porridge.

Results
The pork was delicious. (Haha, of course, I mean how do you screw up cooking meat?)

The whole concoction was quite good, but the smell of jasmine was too strong. It just didn't fit. If it was just brown rice and tea, then I think it would be okay. I only have jasmine green tea, so I had no choice. Next time I will cook it with green tea.

Cough*Cough*

Once again, I am down with flu. Oh crap, did I just say that. I do not know what my illness is. I just know I have a cough, lots of phlegm and I feel terrible. My brain is cloudy and my body is aching.

The doctor at my camp sucks. Totally. I think he was forced to be one or something. Or perhaps the army is ordering him to be mean to soldiers. Because, he doesn't really pay much attention. Somemore, he gave me antibiotics after just checking my body with a stethoscope. Antibiotics! Erythomycin. No wonder bacteria are being more and more resistant to it.

As for the rest, it's the usual stuff.. Panadol, etc. Aimed at curing the symptoms. So that one can continue working with less unease. What grief.

I need sleep. Pure, unadulterated sleep. Not sleep with mosquitoes biting me here and there like they did last night. Not sleeping at 12 and waking up at 6. I need around 8 hours of sleep. And I ain't not getting it. Since I got posted to this camp, I have not been able to sleep earlier. This is because I am infinitely accustomed to sleeping in tranquil surroundings. Not the din and light that exists in my bunk. I hate it. I cannot sleep even with peaceful music on. Music stimulates me. I need silence. I cannot even hear a pin drop.

Normally, the noise level is quite ok and I can turn off half the lights. But sometimes, I just cannot take it. Especially a certain someone who loves to talk on the phone. Now I don't really mind people talking on the phone late at night as long as they don't disturb me. But some people talk too loudly. Either they know it or not, they just do it anyway and that's all that matters. There's no excuse. I mean, I don't mind if they talk loudly before 10 or what.. But well..

Actually, I get irked when people talk on the phone for so long. Why? I hate talking on the phone. Dai kirai. The sound quality sucks and I don't get to see the other person's expressions. Requires money and emits radio waves. An extra burden to carry along just because everyone is so dependent on it. It is also an escape from reality, because you are no longer in the moment and you cannot appreciate people in it. If I could dump handphones, I would. But generally, I am okay with using handphones when it is required. Just don't expect me to rush to it when I am taking a bath.

It would be great if people try not to cycle on pavements, especially on pavements where there are a lot of people. This kind of people really irritate me. They ring and ring their way through the crowd. I cannot even walk in peace. Irritating shit.

Nowadays, it's getting harder to sleep in camp. For some reason, my body tenses up when I lie on my bunk bed. It is painful and prevents me from getting to sleep. Stress maybe? After all, it is hard not to be stressed when you are doing something you don't like and are forced to do.

I need a time out.

What major is right for you?

You Scored as English/Journalism/Comm

You should strongly consider majoring (or minoring) in Communication, English, Film, Journalism, Literature, or Writing.

It is possible that the best major for you is your 2nd, 3rd, or even 5th listed category, so be sure to consider ALL majors in your OTHER high scoring categories (below). You may score high in a category you didnt think you would--it is possible that a great major for you is something you once dismissed as not for you. The right major for you will be something 1) you love and enjoy and 2) are really great at it.

Consider adding a minor or double majoring to make yourself standout and to combine your interests. Please post your results in your myspace/blog/journal.

English/Journalism/Comm

81%
Biology/Chemistry/Geology

75%
Psychology/Sociology

75%
Visual&PerformingArts

69%
Physics/Engineering/Computer

69%
French/Spanish/OtherLanguage

69%
History/Anthropology/LiberalArts

63%
HR/BusinessManagement

56%
Religion/Theology

56%
Education/Counseling

56%
Accounting/Finance/Marketing

50%
Mathematics/Statistics

50%
Nursing/AthleticTraining/Health

38%
PoliticalScience/Philosophy

38%


English? Of all things? While it is true that I love the English language.. I have never thought to endeavor in a career related to it.. This warrants a second thought.. Good quiz.

A pledge

There is so much beauty in the world but I cannot appreciate it.
I have lost my childishness; I allowed it to happen.
I have lost my passion for life; the vigour I had when I was sixteen.
Yes, I feel old and jaded.

I remembered the times when I laughed at old age; thinking it was far away.
Yet it has come to haunt me, I feel as though I am residing in the wrong body.
I look at my face and I think, is that me?

Some things lost will never return.
However, I believe that, one day, I will remember the childishness and vigour I had.
I will break free from my shackles, and live.

Free, of the past and the future, of times that do not belong to us.
Rise, from the depths of the murkiness and receive light.
That is the pledge to myself.

111 days to ORD!
I have done the myORD quiz and I am dismayed to find out that even after I ORD I will still be shackled. A different kind to say the least, but being bound is being bound. Must do IPPT test every month, must notify before going overseas. Etc etc. OH WELL.

He who knows he has enough is rich.

There's just so much

I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life... You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday

from American Beauty

Let freedom ring

Once I'm out of the army, I'm going to bake all the melon pans I want. It's not that I don't have the time to do it currently, just that army saps me of my vitality. I have not much mood to sustain anything that requires much investment of time and energy. I chose to let the army sap me of my vitality and I don't intend to turn back on that decision. A few months more and I will be liberated. Perhaps, I will fall into yet another cage, but no cage is worse than what I'm in now. At least I can say that now, because I am in a nightmare and it has yet to ceased. People can provide excuses for serving NS but I think all that hypocrisy. "It will toughen you up, baby.." "Good time to be a man!". All of these are just kind words to remind you that no, you have not served in vain, it has molded you, it is compulsory education to be a man! So that you will not think back on those 2 years and think, "oh, what have I been doing?" Parents can proudly say, my son has become a man! If not for NS, he'll still be a sissy. Now, I'm bitter about having to serve and I will always be forever bitter. I don't fancy doing something coerced upon me. All ns has done is to show me the dark side of society. I don't mind being unsheltered, but to be done in such a way!

There is one thing that I have kept in my heart, which I have withheld because walls have ears and I am afraid of repercussions. But my blood is boiling and I am proud; I will say this: I do not like NS, because I have to listen to orders from "superiors" who are less educated! If they had character I could look up to, I would not complain. We are treated as free labour, and that severely wounds my pride. That's what the problem is. We are just there for the sake of being there, to serve an unknown cause. The first few months of army, at least we are trained somewhat like soldiers, the rest, is just being there to do things which people dislike doing. Like throwing rubbish, clearing drains, sweeping floors.. To clear my own rubbish is one thing, to clear other people's rubbish, I cannot stand the shame! And their arrogance! Just because we never sign on, we have to do the shit. I feel like I'm punished.

But it's okay. If all goes well, it will be over by the end of the year. And if I can survive 1 and a half years, I sure as hell can survive some 4 months.

Lost

I am still at a loss.
What kind of job do I want to do?
What degree should I pursue?
Should I even go to university?

Actually, I think I would enjoy a job being a mixed vegetable food seller.. Mainly because of the interaction with people and the freedom of self-employment.. However, I would like to experience uni life.. I would like to see what getting a degree is like.. The rigorous work involved..

I did not apply again this year, because I have not decided.. Now is the age for career exploration.. I would like to spend more time to research, simply because I can.. I wonder if I should go for career guidance..

For now, I have a place in school of computing.. Analyst-programmer.. That would be quite an exciting job.. But I don't have a liking for programming.. Management of information systems.. Quite popular nowadays..

Food science.. Biology.. Science is something I like.. But thinking about doing laboratory work.. Argh.. Research work.. I don't know if I like it..

Psychology.. Something I want to do.. But can I handle other people's problems? Doing research work.. Is not really something I like..

What to do? I have 6 months to think about it..

Army

Now begins long rant.

Now begins long rant.

Now begins long rant.

In the Beginning
I enlisted on 9 April, 2007. It has been about a year and a half, and I still think BMT is the better part of NS. When I first got into army, I really hated it. All the regimental stuff. All the rigid marching and standing in weird poses. They felt unnatural. They did not belong to nature. At that time, I was influenced by books that encouraged people to be closer to their nature side. The blog design, "back to basics", was under that influence. Everything about the army was so artificial. Timekeeping too. Coincidentally, my buddy and his twin brother (Daryl and Daniel) slept in the same bunk as me. I also made many other friends, and met many old ones. That is it, the best part of army, the camaraderie and shared memories. I made an important decision then, which I was to regret later. The decision to not go to command school. Now, my rationale then was: either get into Officer School, or be the lowest lifeform. Don't get stuck in the middle. Now, I have no experience being a officer or a specialist (and it is highly unlikely that I would get it in the future), but as of now, 25th Aug 2008, having been through 1 year and a half of torture, I can say that my decision was wrong.

Pre-Apocalypse
Before I got into the hell that is my current department in my current camp. I was to become a regimental policeman (RP), that is a camp security-guard-with-a-different-name. Ok, cool, whatever. Surprise, surprise, when I got to Mowbray Camp (in CCK) for my course, I got into a sub-section (wow army sure got lot of sub sub sub sections) called RP/Dog Handler. Wow, interesting. I must say that, this was the best time in my current army life. If my whole army life could be like that, it would have been pleasant indeed and my hate for the army would not have manifested so easily. First part of the course was stay out, which I did not care much for as CCK is quite far away from home, then second part was stay in. Training was not that tough and I had a good three meals a day. We did not have to think much, we just did our own stuff.

Posting Out
Soon, I was to be posted out. To hell. We were supposed to be posted to places near our homes, and either Seletar or Paya Lebar would have been good for me. Instead, I was asked if I wanted to go to Changi. NO, more like I was forced to volunteer. Now, it is one thing to tell me if I would like to volunteer but give me no choice; and another to tell me I have no choice. One is hypocritical, while the other is, more man. They put me in the room with two other guys, one from Woodlands and one from Yishun. An idiot guy in civillian clothes(will not be named) keep on insisting that I could take this bus 25 to Bedok and change blah blah blah. Somehow, I was also not utterly repelled at the idea, because a new bus had come out which brought me near to my camp area. Actually, Yishun was probably nearer to the camp, my house was deep in the heartlands. In fact! The Yishun guy changed his mind later and wanted to go Changi to join his friend there. But some idiot guy in civillian clothes interfered. As usual, I was a victim of stupidity. At that time, the person in charge kept on saying, thanks for volunteering, I will never forget you etc etc. Well in my head I was thinking, maam you are treating me like a child, telling me all these is adding insult to injury. Enough of hypocritical nonsense. At that time, I was like, ok I go there so I go there, I did not think it sad, I did not think it mad. It was okay to travel far to camp. Now, if some ultimate being gave me a choice to do everything again, or if I was to travel back in time, I would not go Changi no matter how many times you kill me. I would give anything not. to. be. there.

Being a Man
I simply cannot believe I have been in hell for a year already! I am surprised by my tenacity. I am still alive. Now, life always has its ups and downs and surprisingly, hell has it ups too! When I first came to this innocuous unit, I was quite alright with it. It is one of the least regimental camps (but also one of the most active), with everyday nights out, no need to march, not much physical training except runs. Ok. This is the unit that made me hate running, but that's another topic for another time ok?

Handling 30+ dogs was quite cool, for a while. It would be cool forever if not for the fact that 1. You have to clear their shit everyday, usually a couple of times, both the kennels and the exercising grounds. 2. Your superiors treat you like dogs. 3. I repeat, Your superiors treat you like dogs. Everyday there makes me feel more like a dog. I almost feel like I can bark soon. When people hear that I am in the army handling dogs, they are in awe, "got this kind of thing one ar! good life ar!", I want to slap them, but I stay my hand because I understand why they say what they say.

Another cool part is that I get to take my dogs outside, to places that people normally can't get into. Any more may be a breach of security, so I will not say more.

the lowest lifeform
That's right, being a "man" is being the lowest lifeform. Now, being a lowest lifeform is not that bad.. but being a lowest lifeform and doing more work than you're supposed to do, now that's called slavery. No, it's even worse than slavery. Everyday, we have to wake up before the sun rises and sweep up our areas, just because we are men. Yeah. Others get their seven/eight hours of sleep, regulars even more. It is hard to sleep early in my camp because some people sleep at absurd times. Don't pardon me if I'm prejudiced, but only stupid people sleep at absurd times. And some of that some make stupid noises. Ok, that's not really a problem.

The main problem is........ the company. I am going to be elitist here, because I believe men are not equal. The problem with being a man, is that most of the "men", are people from less educated backgrounds. Some are just plain useless shitz who slack so much and get the same pay. It is just unfair. I will not say some, because it is really only two in my department. To me, I am open to those from other backgrounds, but I just hate it when they like to generalise people. They are the ones who have problems with us, I do not have problems with them. So I generally get along well with them. My biggest problem ever, is the smokers. Smokers should die before they are born.(BTW, when one doesn't smoke, he is not a smoker. When he smokes then he is considered a smoker for the time being). Smokers, are the most inconsiderate people on Earth. Why does lung cancer not kill them now? Instead of creeping on them, kill them now! I really, really, hate smokers. I do not know if they do it unknowingly and knowingly, but I will never forgive them for smoking in front of us. Some especially love to do it in my face. AND THEY ARE EVERYWHERE. Like cockroaches. Even in the toliet. I can't even shit in peace. I cannot even sleep without smoking some smoke unwillingly sometimes. Come on man. I don't know if they know it or not, but their smoke is worst than rubbish smell (okay that is hard to say), to us. They do not know it, because they have already damaged themselves and they want to spread the plague to others.

The worst is still, my superiors smoke. And you know what it means. It means they are more likely to condone their Earth killing activities. nevermind that we are taught in "dog course" never to smoke near dogs. They smoke everywhere! God damn cockroaches. If only there was a pesticide for these cockroaches.

I was even asked to buy cigarettes. The audacity of asking me, a non-smoker! I will never buy cigarettes. Maybe if you threaten my life or something..

Ok, that was the first part. Smokers. Now in my current army life I only have two really irritating things. The second is being a slave and a dog at the same time. I, have the unfortunate fortune of being the "personal assistant" of our boss, and that bascially means being the PA of everybody! Being a PA is one thing, but when people think lightly of what you do, that's another thing. I do various admin stuff, mostly using the comp, things that my superiors are supposed to do! Well leaders delegate their stuff to people, but I do not consider them as leaders. They are just working for money. Worst of all they think themselves as leaders. As such, I do not think they deserve me to do extra work for them. But, I have no choice. We are the lowest lifeforms. It is one thing being a PA, but I have to be a PA and do things that others do! That means I do extra stuff. But others don't see it that way. Because they will never know. How it feels to be called here and there like a dog. They can say what they want if I do it of my own accord.. but... I am forced to do so. Forced to be a dog! For now, I will just do what I'm forced to do and then leave hell.

Phew. Sometimes I wonder how it would be like if I was an officer or a specialist. It makes me wanna cry sometimes. But I can console myself by saying, "I have served, therefore I lead!"

5 months more to leave hell.

simple living part 2

Cars

I dislike cars, but I still use them. In my earlier post, I said that people blindly follow the standards, which is wrong. It's more like they are forced to do so. At least, I am forced to use cars. If I don't, I might just be punished. Here's why: in my army unit, there's such a thing as "return to unit in 1 hour". From my place (Serangoon North) to Changi, it is hard to cycle there in 1 hour. So, I have to use a car. If the fastest transport was the bicycle, the time limit would probably be increased. Because the car exists, my freedom is inhibited. I cannot use the bicycle, even though I want to. I don't want to use the car at all.

Now, it is hard to imagine how life will be like without the car, and it is impossible to go back to the past. So the car is here to stay, at least until some newer technology takes over it. Since we cannot get rid of the car, what can we do?

1. Get a efficient car. Not some gas-guzzling SUV crap. Get some hybrid. Learn how to use the car efficiently, such as reducing speed on highways, use the brake as little as possible, etc etc.

2. Use public transport. Sure, they use gas too, but at a lesser cost per person.

3. Use the bicycle, most efficient form of transport. Even more efficient than walking. A note to those who think that long distance cycling is impossible: you don't have to cycle continuously, you don't have to cycle fast. Ever heard of travelling across countries with a bicycle? It's possible, and it's fun! Cost is much lower, because a. you can hoard homes in friendly strangers, b. get free food from friendly strangers, etc. Sure you can do that with a vehicle, but... to me I wouldn't give freebies to strangers who drive some car to my home. Well if you're rich you don't care about freebies.. But I ask you this: WHAT'S THE ESSENCE OF TRAVELLING?! To immerse yourself in the country's culture. And what's better than talking and living with the people? Ok I'm digressing... Get back to point.... ....

4. Any suitable idea

5. Any combinations of the above. For example, bicycle+public transport, bicycle+car, car+public transport (especially for places like Orchard. park elsewhere and go Orchard man.)

I won't drive a car yet, until is it really, really, really necessary (for example I stay in Changi and my work place is in Choa Chu Kang.. but even then I might not use a car) Because cars are expensive! Hidden costs, petrol costs, COE cost, car cost.. maintenance cost.. etc. I would rather use the money for good FOOD. (glutton =p) My goal is to be as friendly to the environment whenever I feel like it, even though it doesn't really affect me (at least not in my lifetime?).

Work and Productivity

Not everyone wants to be too productive. Ask the monks! Ok, that is too extreme an example. But to me, less is always more. Until the less interferes with my basic needs. Too much productivity ruins. It depends on what is important to you. What's most important to me is my health and happiness. If I earn more and I do not become happier, what's the point? There is a certain limit to which wealth can raise our happiness level. When we have too much money, more money will not make us happier. Unless you are a money lover.. then I don't know what to say. But I think, normal people love people and themselves more than money.

Now, if I love my work, I will be motivated. I won't probably care about the money that much, and to hell with productivity. People cannot work continuously, and I think it is more efficient to take breaks in between. See the long working hours? How many people actually do work during the artificially imposed crap? They probably do real work less than half the time.

No matter how much we work, we must always find time to connect to other people, and most importantly, ourselves.

Why should we produce so much for others? Especially those who do not deserve it? Those looters? The most important thing, after all, is ourselves. If we can't take care of ourselves, who are we to take care of others? Selfishness is a human trait. It is what enables us to survive. We help others, because we benefit from it. Generosity happens, because we do not lose much from helping others.

Dear jade, what do you mean by "I thought you liked Atlas Shrugged?". Please explain further. I don't see any relation between liking Atlas Shrugged and my previous post. In any case, liking doesn't mean agreeing. But I do agree with some of the book's ideas.

Simple Living

Technological advances make our lives complicated.

Travelling

Cars and planes make the world smaller. Wow! We can reach places far away easily. So? Why do we need to go to far away places? If there were no such transports, there won't be a "need" for them. Their existence creates a void to be filled. If we have such fast transport, why don't we use them? Then everybody uses them and it becomes the standard by which people blindly follow.

Do we need to travel? Why do we need to travel? Is travelling slowly a waste of time?

When we travel slowly, we are able to appreciate our travel more. The travelling becomes part of the experience. Instead of sleeping on a plane, we get to feel the surroundings. We become part of the moment. We do not need to "wait" to get to another place.

I hate the word "vacation". People often use it as a subsitute to holiday. It implies that you have to vacate the place you are currently in, for a fun holiday in another. Actually, what we need is a break from stress (e.g. from work). We need the time to connect with our loved ones and most importantly, ourselves. There is no need to go to other countries. Save some money, do some good!

Clutter

My parents love to keep old stuff. They have those storage boxes lying around, those big plastic boxes that are common in shops. During CNY spring cleaning, their solution to junk is to buy more boxes to keep them in. I ask, why not remove the source of the problem. Don't contain the problem. There are many, many things that are unnecessary to keep. Tina said, "The less we have, the more attention we can give to things that truly matter." Throw all those junk away! Junk: "Things we do not need. Things we think give us emotional support." When throwing junk away, we feel pangs of attachment and regret. Use those feelings as a reminder not to buy unnecessary things! Things we need are found in nature: air, water, food. Buying stuff creates a feedback effect. We buy stuff and feel good about it. Then it subsides. So we keep buying stuff to feel good. Stop! What we need is already in us. Don't be deluded!

(Btw, read Tina's blog at http://thinksimplenow.com/clarity/the-simple-life/ . I got inspiration from there)

Efficiency

Things like machines make our work more efficient. And what do we do with the "extra time"? We use them to do more work! But we are not designed for so much work! Go slow.. Don't hurry. Break the habit of needing to be as fast as possible. Join the Slow Movement.

http://www.slowmovement.com/

[To be continued(?) when I come back from camp..]

Woohoo, I'm back. I installed Vista, after tired of switching between Linux and XP.

photographs trap people in time

I don't like to take photographs. It's not that I'm camera shy, it's just a scruple of mine. I would not stop others, though. I can understand the pleasure of sharing pictures, the want to reminisce about the past, for all photographs are history. You understand that, no photographs can be taken of the moment or the future. That is why I am discouraged from them, I do not think it good to reanimate the past. But hey, this is just a personal opinion, and although I do not indulge in such a hobby, I can understand and accept other people's interests.

Now, video is different. There are some things which should never, ever be captured on video, and shown to the eyes of mortals. For example, the capturing of fireworks! No, no, my heart is pierced with a thousand needles when people have the audacity to take videos of fireworks in front of me! With a handphone cam! Oh, how I wish to die. To try to capture the sublime beauty of fireworks in a puny video, that is sacrilege, and I would condemn those who try to do so. What I am trying to say is that, nature can never be captured digitally. The sight is poor, sound distorted, taste absent, smell gone, and the feel, oh where is the FEEL!

And that, is the reason I never watch TV,
only anime, cartoons.

What's the point of wearing watches when you are always late? It pisses me off when I try to be on time. I feel that the other person has no respect for me. I am usually early, because I make the effort to do so. People who don't put in effort, don't deserve my respect. I hate people who I do not respect. Get out of my life.

Another thing. DIE, FUCKING SMOKERS. TRASH OF LIFE.

The clock is running. Make the most of today. Time waits for no man. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it is called the present.

Yuck. I'm tired of girls saying they're fat when they're almost underweight. It's a trend and it's just plain stupid. The average weight of a healthy 1.62m female is about 55kg. They naturally have more fat, and they want to compare with guys. Girls should stop reading stupid magazines. They are too easily affected by pictures of models... ... ... I hope that one day, girls will be sensible.

I should have reapplied for FASS this year. But it's too late. I shall apply next year.



Higurashi no Naku Koro ni &
Higurashi no Naku Koro ni "Kai"

'When The Cicadas Cry'

It is the 58th year of Showa and summer is early. It is only June, yet one is able to enjoy the serenade of cicadas at noon and the buzz of higurashi in the evening.

Our story takes place in Hinamizawa Village. It is a small village with a population of less than 2,000, a place cursed by Oyashiro-Sama

Hinamizawa Village Consecutive Unnatural Murders (1979 ~ 1983).

Every year, during the festival of Watanagashi, one person dies and another disappears. It is a cycle of death which started with a fight over the construction plans for a dam. That incident was covered up by the police and has now come back to haunt the village.

Is all this due to a plot or a coincidence... or a curse?

Is this tragedy inevitable? Is there nothing you can do but accept it....

(From animenfo)
Thanks to Caleb, who recommended this anime. Great stuff. At first it looks like a cutesy anime, but turns out to be horrifying. Cool stuff. It is a bit slow at first, but as you get near the end you will want to find out what's really going on.

More to come; I am watching the second season-

Before blaming others, check yourself. You will always play a part in the outcome. Blaming others will not improve yourself. This is because it is impossible to change others. By putting yourself in charge, you can change. You can do better in the future, instead of running away. When others blame you, neither take it or leave it. Evaluate. Do not take it personally. Live by your own standards.

(Only thing is, it is so irritating when you try to do that but people don't. When you have tried your best but others have not. It is easy to take things personally because I was raised up like that.)

EXERCISE FLATSWORD IS OVER!
I miss Seletar food!
Almost wanted to sleep with my doggie Bobby.

Minami-ke!

the-minami_ke-sisters

Chiaki: Smartypants

Kana: Crazy dumbass

Haruka: Mother figure

 

I'm a fan of Kana-sama! She rocksxzzz! Most interesting sister.

 

Second season, Okawari

minamike-okawari

Designs have changed. Haruka looks more childish, Chiaki looks like a punk. Kana, looks less BAKA. Omg why they change Kana-sama's design! The story is more drama too. I'm still watching.

Smokers have the freedom to smoke, but we have the freedom to not breathe in smoke. That's another thing about army. Smokers are so used to the smell that they don't know it's similar to rubbish bin smell. Smoking in bunk and then being anal about it, that's even worse. Smoke in air-con office, I have nothing to say. Smoking is stupid. The worst thing is they can't realise it because they have been addicted and the rewards are "more than the cost". An "easy" high. It's too bad, smokers. Die, but don't bring us down with ya. Please.

It is hard to learn to love until you love. Some people don't know how to love, because either they have not been loved or they have not loved. Afraid to love. Afraid of love.

Finally, I have a weekend. We were supposed to go back camp on Sat and Sun to do training from 9 to 11. The boss had gone bonkers. When I heard the news, I was crestfallen. Luckily, it was somehow cancelled. Sigh. Army is actually okay. I only abhor the presence of all those crazy old men. They have old-fashioned thinking, which can never be changed. Generation gaps. Fucked-up attitudes. Anything wrong, they'll just blame us. Oh well. I have served a year, it's just 10 more months more.

The time when I do take a taxi, the uncle decides to cheat me. He went a fucking big round from Sengkang to Jalan Kayu then to Ang Mo Kio then to my house. When going through Sengkang would have sufficed. I want to believe that he just didn't know, but it's just too hard to not know, even if he just became a taxi driver. It's also partially my fault. I didn't notice that he took the long way until he asked me if I wanted to exit from AMK AVE 5 or AMK AVE 3. Siao, of course I said AVE5, let him go AMK3 for free money ar. That was when I realised. And I was just in no mood to protest. Next time, I will berate the driver. I will also prevent it from even happening, by telling the driver my exact route. Lucky I only take a taxi once a month, unless my dad comes to fetch me.

Good girls are boring.
Inhibited girls are boring.

I am still a perfectionist at heart. Sure, the streak has faded over the years, but when it comes down to certain things, I have infinite expectations. I am annoyed, because I know perfectionism can be quite unhealthy. I have tried to change. Sometimes, it feels as if the outside changed but the inside didn't. Thus leading to tension. I feel it in my muscles. I know it.

I have this goal, to improve myself whenever I can. I tend to place this goal on others, expect they will do the same. I hate it when other people waste their lives doing nothing, although it's none of my business. I also hate it when people display characteristics that were in me before I tried to changed. And sometimes, I get angry because I haven't changed that part of myself. What I hate is usually what's a large part of myself.

There are two parts of me that fight. I want to accept other people's strengths and weaknesses, the other may see them as liabilities. I get a headache.

TV, is about watching other people's lives. Doing too much of it, you don't get to live. Be aware of things around you. Reality. Some people have to grow up. To grow up, means to live as much as you can. Stop watching other's people lives. Stop envying others. Just live.

You have to be harsh to some people. Otherwise, they won't grow up. Now, is growing up a good thing? Example. If a friend keeps talking pessimistically, sometimes I find it better to shut my friend up. Don't encourage. Don't "listen". Listening everytime, may not be a good way of sharing emotional troubles.

Some things cannot be compromised. There are infinite choices. Life is not only about giving or taking. It is also about neither taking or giving. Sometimes, there is no need to compromise. Just leave things the beautiful way they are, as nature intended. Sure they may not be beautiful, but changing, is something that can be slow sometimes and fast another. I used to be fast about changing myself, but now I don't know.