Maturity

People form impressions quickly. While I do not approve of that, it is the norm and probably a result of evolution so I will not fault them. Perhaps it's better that way.

Now many have said that I act younger than my age. I concur. Sometimes, I find it amusing that people expect me to do childish stuff. Especially my handwriting. People are surprised that my handwriting looks... so mature. Or rather, people were. I'm probably old enough now that people aren't that surprised anymore. Sometimes, I find it annoying that people think I'm childish, but I brought that upon myself. No, wait, I'm not irked by the fact that they think that I'm childish, but more irked by the fact that they never look beyond. Right, I know I'm not that mature, but I like to believe that I do have some mature qualities inside of me. But then, what is maturity? Maybe it is a childish notion to think that I'm mature. For which child doesn't like to think that they are mature? And, is it good to be mature? How mature is mature?

I find it hard to define maturity. To me, it is something very intangible. Now, perhaps there is at least an agreed standard by which we can call people "mature". That is, good reason and high stability. How mature can one be? Who do we compare to?

Can maturity and childishness coexist? That is the question.

So, do I have low or high self-esteem?

Sometimes, I wonder. I used to think that I have high self-esteem. But now I'm not so sure.

Perhaps my low self-esteem was lurking under the guise of high self-esteem.

What do I do when I'm not sure? Google search, of course.

Ahh, this looks like a reliable page - http://ezinearticles.com/?How-To-Tell-If-You-Have-Low-Self-Esteem-and-What-to-Do-About-it-If-You-Do&id=2465860

Let's see...


People with low self-esteem have a low estimation of their inherent worth. They tend to see themselves as inadequate, incompetent, unworthy, less than others, and unlovable. Low self-esteem is closely related to low self-efficacy. Self-efficacy means that you have power to produce effects. 

Nope. Not true to a large extent.

People who value themselves poorly do not believe that they have the power or the ability to make positive things happen in their lives. They believe that they have many limitations and are incapable of the things that they see others be able to accomplish. They tend to see themselves as a victim of circumstances and have a hard time connecting their own decisions and behavior to their outcomes. They don't believe that they have much influence or power over their own lives. 

Definitely not true. I'm a firm believer in the power of actions.
 
This sense of low self-efficacy also extends to not being able to trust their feelings and judgement. They tend to have a hard time sensing "trustworthiness" in others. They distrust their own gut reactions to others. Since they have a great deal of difficulty being assertive, they tend toward extremes of passivity or aggression. They may tend to let people walk all over them, until they reach some threshold of tolerance, then they withdraw into passive aggression or become aggressive. Or they may generally present an aggressive stance that keeps people at a distance.

Hmm... Somewhere in between, I guess?
 
When people trample on their boundaries, they either don't notice, don't believe that there is anything they can do about it, or think that it's because of something that they did. 
These self-doubting folks tend to people-please, trying to project an image of what they imagine others want them to be.  

Probably not true.
 
Self-esteem and self-concept are deeply related. Self-concept is that world view of self, or how you think about who you are. Self-concept includes beliefs, attitudes, and opinions that you hold about yourself and your relationships with the environment and people in it. People with low-self esteem have great difficulty describing self, their beliefs, and opinions. They don't know who they are.  

Hmm... Who am I? Just the average person. What do I believe in? Nothing. Opinions? Pfff. Yep I totally have great difficulty with this.

They tend to see self as a sum of the roles they play and usually believe that they don't do well at the roles. They are self-deprecating. People with low self-esteem engage in negative self-talk. They say hurtful things to themselves inside their own heads that they would not say to others. When complimented they down play the compliment with qualifications or rejection like, "yes, but", or "you're just saying that; you don't mean it". Self-deprecating people focus on the negative aspects of themselves, while ignoring, discounting, or negating positive attributes.  

Yeah I do say negative things to myself about 10% of the time...
 
People suffering from low self-esteem tend to have chaotic and conflicted relationships. They have trouble communicating wants and needs. They tend to expect others to know what they want and need and to give it to them without having to be asked. They expect that because that's how they interact with others. Self-effacing folks tend to feel angry and hurt when others don't reciprocate and do the same thing. They believe them to be self-centered and selfish. Conflict is inevitable due to inability to take risks and put themselves out there. 
If they can't risk letting down defenses long enough to directly tell others what they want and need, the potential for confusion and conflict is immense. Without assertiveness no one can be direct and effective in their communication with others. Folks with low self-esteem tend to vacillate back and forth from passive to aggressive or to engage in passive-aggressive communication. They tend to be emotion driven. They over-react to interpersonal situations in their lives. They believe that their perception of an interpersonal event is the way that it is or was, that there is no other possible way to view it.
Probably to a small extent.

They don't know how to be truly intimate, so they tend to engage in pursuing/distancing dynamics. This is where one person needs a higher level of closeness at any given moment than the other person. The person with the higher need for closeness takes the other's lower need for closeness as evidence of a lack of caring, regard, or interest, and pursuing reassurance that they are still loved. People with low self-esteem have trouble being intimate with others, because to do so, they have to let down their defenses and risk exposing who they really are to someone else. They can't let others see who they really are, because they don't know who they really are. If you don't have a solid sense of self, you can't share it with another person. That is what intimacy is.

Hmm... I do know how to be intimate, but I have trouble being intimate with others... Maybe it's because I'm scared of exposing myself? I'm not sure...
 
Sometimes they are self-sabotaging. They may fear success, or failure, or both. That fear is acted out in subtle ways that keeps things status quo. Fortune-telling of dire consequences of taking chances on change for growth and development keeps them stuck. They fear change. Fear of the unknown is much worse than any discontent and discomfort that they have with present circumstances.

I kind of fear success and failure sometimes, so much that I might try to sabotage myself. Hmm... Change? I like it sometimes, I guess.
 
Fortunately, it is possible to improve one's self-esteem and to change one's self-concept. To improve self concept it is necessary to get to know oneself. This includes getting to know and appreciate one's body, feelings, thoughts, relationships, tastes, opinions, and motives. This is a process. In the midst of self-discovery, it is appropriate to practice self-acceptance, recognizing oneself as less than perfect, yet still worthwhile. Changing how you think is necessary to improve self-esteem. Using cognitive therapy to challenge negative cognitive distortions about oneself, the world, and the future will help. A change in feelings follows a change in thinking.

Right. I try my best to come up with helpful self-talk. I mean, you should treat yourself well, right? Even if no one else does, at least you have yourself!
 
Willingness to risk is crucial. While practicing taking risks, one should begin looking for the benefits of those risks. You cannot learn new things without risking. With trying out new things and discovering one's own competence, more self-efficacy is gained. Taking risks to reveal glimpses of the real person you are, is usually met with acceptance from others rather than their anticipated abandonment. These outcomes help increase self-confidence and a sense of worthiness. When you take the risk to tell others what you want, need, and feel, you learn assertiveness and practice intimacy skills. When you spend time thinking about the connections between your decisions and your situations, you begin to take responsibility for your own decisions and happiness.  When you take responsibility for self, you are empowered.
Whether you are dealing with addiction issues, emotional or mental health issues, relationship issues, or need some additional living skills, my website is available to you. The "Links" page offers a wide range of resources for additional help. There is a "Recommended Readings" page and an "Ask Peggy" column. My site is a work in progress with additional features, articles, and resources being added to it on a regular basis. Check it out at http://www.peggyferguson.com

Well said. Thank you very much. I will keep all that in mind!


Well this is a just for fun, lighthearted post. Generally, I have pretty high self-esteem but there are times when I'm down too. It's pretty hard to define things, since I believe the world isn't black and white as some people do. There's pink, purple, blue, orange, etc... SO many shades!

So, who am I? For me to know and for you to find out! Not that I know, though...

About time... What's nex?

For billions of years, Serangoon(that's where I live) had no shopping malls, no libraries. It does have those small shops littered around, and of course Serangoon Gardens(where all those expensive restaurants and pubs are; not to mention the infamous Chomp-Chomp). But no shopping malls. No, Kovan's Heartland Mall is not counted. Anyway, that's not the point.

Let's fast forward to November 2010. A big shopping mall has been erected. In fact, it's the biggest shopping mall in the North East area. There will also be a library. About time, I say! I was very excited that my little ulu area finally had a modern, air-conditioned shopping mall! But then I thought about it. What's the point of another shopping mall?

But that's beside the point. I'm supposed to be evangelizing nex. Currently, nex is quite empty. Most shops have not moved in yet. But from what I have seen, there are some nice tenants here. Some crazy new shops like Freshness Burger and Barcelonas and Drink Tea. (Well at least they are new to me) And of course, Cold Storage(yay) and the you-guessed-it, Fairprice Xtra. I like. Apparently there's Wendy's too. Nice.

Anyway, I tried Drink Tea, and I must say that it's yet. another. bubble. tea. shop. with. overpriced. prices. I should totally cut down on drinking bubble tea. I realised it's a big waste of money. I find the most value for money to be the everpresent Sweettalk as well as the one at Bencoolen Plaza(must thank Steph for introducing that to me omg).

So what's nex? Yet another shopping mall.

And what's next? Probably more shopping malls and bubble tea shops. And the government says that Singapore has no space.

Self-improvement books

I always feel better about myself after reading a self-improvement book or two. However, some people seem to be embarrassed about reading them.

Perhaps reading self-improvement books implies that you suck and need to become better. But that's not true. Everyone benefits from it. Or maybe people are embarrassed that they have to get better from reading a book. Everyone should read self-improvement books. It's always good to improve yourself, and to learn new insights. Books are one of the greatest teachers.

Module of the semester

Goes to "Understanding Uncertainty and Statistics", GEM2900. Yes it might get a bit technical at times, but it certainly(see what I did there) helped me see things in a new light. Especially the way people misinterpret statistics. It was horrifying. Sally Clark, a mum was convicted of killing her two children because the lawyer misinterpreted the low chance of two babies dying naturally as the chance that she was innocent. Imagine having to go to prison for a crime you didn't commit and right after your two babies died in a row. How cruel.

Anyway, I love this module's exam. It's the only one which I know how to do 95% of the questions. Also, Peiyi rocks. I am totally gonna scout for the modules she teaches and take them. Joking joking. I hope my other statistics module is as doable as this. Fat hope. But I will do my best.

There was another exam on the same day as the GEM2900 exam. Metabolism and Regulation. A life science module, AKA my bane. So I didn't expect much. As expected, there were some lame memory work questions. Remember and win, no-brainer type of questions. I really hate those type of questions, but alas, department of biological sciences is cruel. No surprise. But I was able to answer more questions than I expected. I'll probably get a C again. I was hoping for a B, but C will have to do. Too much effort needed to score good grades in comparison to other types of modules. Btw, I like the modules, but the exams really are sucky.

On a side note, flash cards are really useful for those life science modules. At least it spices things up. And it really works. I did quite well for the mid terms without much effort. But still...

Two more exams left. Wish me luck! Actually, I'll need more than luck. Argh.

I love exams. I'm not kidding. Call me weird or whatever, but I love answering questions. Shading those cute little circles on the answer sheet. Writing long ass answers to questions I know how to do and giving stupid lame answers to the rest of the questions. Yeah, people would probably freak out if I told them that. LOL. What's more, exam period is usually more relaxed than school time. SO I really don't understand how people hate exams. Okay, just to make things clear, I love doing exams but I hate exams. There's a difference.

I love shopping...

...at super big supermarkets. I get immersed in the wide variety of choices and become fascinated by all the different ingredients and how one product is different from the other. And there's no one around to bother you so you can take all the time in the world to look and choose. And with that time passes by so quickly...

Your welcome

My welcome? What do you mean?

It always irks me... Technically it is considered correct if you read it as "youR welcome". But people! There's a difference between you're and your! Not to be a grammar nazi but this is a very simple thing... Is it really worth sacrificing readability so that you can type two characters less?

Ever failed?

By Pretty/Ugly Design
Or better yet. Reframe failure into feedback. Erase failure from your dictionary. There is no failure, only feedback.

Perhaps the feedback won't help you grow. But at least you've learned something from it. Whether you act on that feedback or not is up to you.

Or maybe sometimes you'll grow the wrong way. But that's okay. There's no time to be worrying about that, because you've got a life to live.

The little things do matter

So I was thinking... Little things do add up. $1 saved everyday - $365 in a year. 15mins of something everyday - expert in a year? It's so much easier to take little steps at a time, than it is to take a big step and risk tripping. Something I learned while reading "The Vigorous Mind" a few years back. I don't know how I stumbled upon that book, but I did and I'm glad that I did. I think it was at West Coast Plaza... Popular... Why did I even go there in the first place? In any event, I could not resist buying that book. It had a gray unassuming cover, but I could not take my eyes off it. That says a lot, considering that I don't buy books that often. (Probably not even once a year). I'm a voracious reader and my income probably won't be able to take it. Libraries rule :)

Anyway, I digress. One innovative idea I learned while reading it is that learning one thing will make your other aspects stronger as well. And they don't have to be related as well. The point is to be a stronger and more flexible person. So how do you go about learning things when you have "no time"? The book suggests that we take a little bit of time everyday. And I totally agree with it. I'm sick of people always saying, "I have no time". Is 15 mins a day too much to spare? 15 mins a day really adds up. Don't put off doing something because it's too big of a stretch for your schedule. Take little steps at a time.

Rome wasn't built in a day, was it?

Sugar, sugar, everywhere

Ahh, the ubiquitous high fructose corn syrup. It's everywhere. This morning, I ate hotcakes from McDonalds. Corn syrup is one of the ingredients in the maple syrup provided. In fact, their maple syrup is FAKE. Notice the "artificial maple flavour". I wonder if the maple syrup provided at "Strictly Pancakes" is real. What does real maple syrup taste like anyway?

I just bought this 4-pack "Anlene Concentrate" drink. It's supposed to be healthy, what with high calcium content and essential bone nutrients etc. I look at the ingredients and ahaha! Sucrose is there!

It's the same for the bread I eat almost everyday. Sugar is added!

Refined sugar is everywhere. And that's what making everyone fat. (Except me of course.)

Chilli sauces, tomato sauces, whatever. They all have sugar in them.

Even the health food known as honey has, you guessed it, lots of sugar in it!

Will it ever go away? Smoking and sugar. Those two idiots - are they here to stay?

Super small... Wow

I just bought this super amazingly small wireless adapter. The adapter is smaller than the USB connector. WTF right?! Amazing... Simply amazing... Wow... Truly the world's smallest wireless USB adapter...

Edimax EW-7811Un

Once again

Something broke in him. And it would remain that way. Nothing could be done. And he made a new resolve.

And so despair was born and hope forever lost.

Alive, but so dead.

Tainted for eternity.

It would be a long, long time before his sins are absolved.

I'm grateful

I'm grateful for many things.

I was born without disabilities - I can't imagine not being able to run around or not being able to see anything.

I have enough to eat everyday, and surplus to boot.

I have a family.

I have kind friends.

I have somewhere to belong to.

I have an education.

I'm smart enough.

Hebe.

有时候

有时候,我真的很想放弃。
有时候,我觉得活在这个世界没意义。
多少才足够?

书也是你们逼我读的。
书,不容易读。
可是为什么你们总让我觉得内疚?
我知道工作不容易。
我知道养家不容易。
但是读书也没有你们想象的那么容易。
现在,只光读书是不够的。

你们常说,“你们只需要读书,很难吗?”
可是读书不只是读书。
你们不会了解的,我也不需要你们了解。
也许你们的确比我辛苦。
但我可以说,我现在的确很辛苦。
我不知道你们知不知道。
我天天一副莫不关心的样子,你们也不能探索什么吧。
我也不想让你们担心哦。
可是,有时闷在心里真的很难过。
我只求你们不要天天让我内疚。

是的,我真的不愿意读书,不过既然已经开始,也应该做一个了断。

The Forer Effect

According to http://www.skepdic.com/forer.html

The Forer effect refers to the tendency of people to rate sets of statements as highly accurate for them personally even though the statements could apply to many people.
Psychologist Bertram R. Forer (1914-2000) found that people tend to accept vague and general personality descriptions as uniquely applicable to themselves without realizing that the same description could be applied to just about anyone.
Precisely the reason why I always take horoscopes and other hocus pocus with a grain of salt. The descriptions are so generic that they could apply to any average person.  But of course, the average person does not realise it. For example, you believe that one part of the description fits you very well. Then you will tend to notice new information that reaffirms your belief while discounting any evidence to the contrary.

Yes, they are fun to read and all but I wouldn't let them determine my character. I am who I want to be.

Another amazing painting of a girl...

MICKAELA MARY LEROY by phoenixlu



Lies, all lies...

[After the previous post, I feel emo... So here is a rant...]

Substance, substance... Need more substance... I tire of getting cheated. Everything is a lie...

Too much lies... I have become so skeptical. In fact, I don't believe in anything that people say anymore. I'll just pretend to believe... Because who wants to be doubted? Yep, I'm lying too... There is so much lies in the world anyway. My policy is that - as long as the lie is not harmful, it's fine. And that is a double-edged sword... I begin to doubt anyone saying good stuff. And I have become so nonchalant about things. I'm not surprised if people betray my trust anyway. In fact, I usually put my trust in people fully without really trusting them. Yeah, it's contradictory, but that's how I roll... One good thing about this is that I tend to encourage myself not to make snap judgments... And sometimes, I am quite surprised about who people really are and what they can do... In fact, I will be very touched if people just do small things that show that they can be trusted... 

Also, I believe in the power of the situation. It doesn't matter how one behaves normally. When it comes to different situations, people act unpredictably sometimes... To me, it is always a pleasure to see surprising things come out from certain people... I think that is a pretty rare thing these days, given that so many people judge so quickly... Well it's certainly reasonable since time is scarce and first impressions are all you have... But I am always hopeful. I always have faith. I am skeptical yet hopeful at the same time. Because things are always not what they seem... I am more of an objective person; so sometimes when you say something I would not agree so readily... In fact I may come off as a disagreeable person, when I am just unsurprised and objective...

I think this all comes with not watching too much media and news. It's good to learn about current affairs and such, but I think too much isn't good... The media is always biased, no matter what they propose to be... And when you read the media and magazines, you tend to think that rare things are actually quite common and possible. Like accidents and millionaires and successful people... When you put the focus on them, you forget about the more important things in life... You forget to be satisfied with yourself, with life... You forget to think for yourself, you forget to see the larger picture... The media is evil... I would never encourage my kids to watch TV. And advertisements are just fucked up. I don't even know where to begin... (As an example, notice how smoking is usually portrayed to be a cool thing, in movies and such... Fuck smoking.) And those advertisements that target kids? They are just outright evil. But maybe it's better that they exist. Better that they get exposed to bad stuff and have time to learn from it than never get exposed and get corrupted totally when they are exposed to it.

Just like religion... But that is a topic for another day.

//Very personal
I have trust issues with women, because the hurt I experienced from them outweigh the positives... And I'm guilty of focusing too much on their bad points. That is why I never chase them... I think some of them were probably disappointed by my inaction. But I'm scarred and scared... And so far, nobody has been worthy of me chasing them... (Or maybe that's a lie to protect my ego) And here it is - it's out. A most disturbing fact about me which will change the way you ever think about me again.

And here's something laughable... My fantasy is that someone will come and sweep my feet off, prove that I have been wrong all along, and console my heart... But of course, that is something which will never happen, because only girls wait for Prince Charming... No such thing as Princess Charming... I may act quite masculine sometimes, but I am also quite feminine in my way of thinking... I'm the type who will be willing to be a househusband. But then again, it's quite impossible... What have I to offer anyway? From an evolutionary standpoint, this is not likely to happen...

Sigh, I really do have much emotional baggage huh? But the cheerful side of me is genuine... I don't pretend to be cheerful, and I probably wear my heart on the sleeve... This sounds contradictory to what I said about pretending... But it's possible... I do get hurt easily, but I also recover easily... Or maybe I pretend to recover easily? I don't know... There are so many things about myself that I don't know, but there are also many things about myself that I do know...

Why do men like longer hair on women? Why do women do the things they do? (And a rant...)

An abstract from http://www.peepat.com/blog/helath_is_wealth/why_men_prefer_long_hair.aspx

Tamás Bereczkei, PhD, professor of psychology performed a study in which images of female faces were given varying lengths of hair and then evaluated by men on their attractiveness. “Longer hair had a significant positive effect on the ratings of a woman’s attractiveness; shorter styles did not,” says Bereczkei, who notes that long hair increases the perception of good genes. “Hair is thought to be a track record of your health.” One accurate indicator of health is physical attractiveness; another is hair. Healthy women have lustrous, shiny hair, whereas the hair of sickly people loses its luster. Because hair grows slowly, shoulder-length hair reveals several years of a woman's health status.
Evolutionary psychology - study of the adaptations made due to selection pressure in natural selection. Well, it is certainly true that hair is quite a good indicator of health. I mean, if you look at just the hair from behind a women, you can roughly gauge how old they are. Of course, that's moot if they did something to their hair, such as dyeing it or applying cosmetic products on it. Which brings us to...
So, from this evolutionary psychology perspective, and assuming that women are wanting to make themselves more attractive to men, it would make sense for older and less healthy women to dye their hair as carefully as possible such that it simulates the appearance of the hair of healthy young women.
But it would not make any sense for young, healthy women to dye their hair, since this would make it less attractive. 
And indeed, twenty years ago sensible young women virtually never dyed their hair - except when they wanted to signal their membership of some 'tribe' (such as punks or goths, or being 'arty' ) and this was 1. the less sensible women, and 2. a distinct minority. A proportion of young women also signalled their sexual availability by bleaching their hair blond - although this made their hair very obviously artificial and less attractive.
That's taken from http://charltonteaching.blogspot.com/2010/09/dyed-brown-hair-in-young-women.html.

Well, I do see a lot of women with dyed hair. And it certainly puzzles me that young ladies ruin their hair by dyeing it. Vanity? Fashion? And some even have weird colours. Some of them do look great though. But personally, I feel that black hair is most suitable for Asian women.

I'm also confused about the rationale behind painting nails. Seriously? Does it really make it look better? From a guy's viewpoint, I would certainly prefer all-natural nails. To be honest, painted nails look really fake and ugly to me. It's especially puzzling if they have very nice natural nails and they cover it all with paint. But nail polish is a different thing because I think it makes nails look nicer.

Lack of time

I can never understand when people say they have a lack of time to do something.

Are they really so busy that they don't even have the time to do it? I bet it's just not important enough for them to do. I mean, there are so many "time-wasters" that we do. Waiting for bus: 5 mins. Bus/Train ride: 30 mins. 35 mins. And if you travel to and fro, that's 70 mins. 70 mins!!! 70 mins everyday! Can you imagine what you can accomplish with that?

Then there are little things like bathing quicker, eating quicker... But I would not recommend that. Also, it isn't that hard to spend just 15 mins learning something. For example, you want to learn the guitar. Then take 15 mins to learn it everyday! Don't tell me it's not impossible. Try it! Do it in little chunks, and you realise that you have accomplished so much eventually. It's the little things that matter. And it's easier to do it in little steps.

And why is everybody in such a rush? Life is not a race. Screw time! Focus on what's most important right now. That's right, right now is the most important. Please don't dream your life away. If you do that, then you do not deserve to regret. It will be sad if you wonder about what could have been instead of looking at what's going on around you.

Also, sleep! I don't understand why students like to deprive themselves of sleep. And the worst thing is, they think they feel normal, but it's only because they are used to it! Sleep deprivation can affect concentration more than you can imagine. No time to finish work, really? What if sleeping more allowed you to concentrate more so that you could finish work faster? But then again, I'm guilty of that lately. I have not been sleeping well, because it's hard to sleep frickin early and wake up at 5.43am when it's still dark.

Anyway, I'm so sleepy...

Gender

Wow, for the third time in a day? I can't believe it! This is just a short post though.


Times have changed so much, yet some people still think the old way, in terms of gender divisions. All those "man outside, woman inside" crap is now no longer applicable, especially in a bustling city like f**king Singapore.

This is especially true for the more highly educated. Yes, gender equality is good and all, but some people still can't get to terms with it. Now that there is a big gender overlap, the two sexes have almost equal earning power (yeah I know, men still earn more than women though). But they have also lost some things and retained some things. Women have lost their domesticity. With an income, they can now afford to depend on themselves for silly (I jest) stuff such as shopping and shopping. But they have also lost the need to learn how to cook and stuff like that. So why do they even need to marry anymore?!

You could say the same for men. In my little circle of friends, more men can cook than women can. And taking care of domestic stuff is easy even for men. So why the hell would I want to marry a woman for?! If I want to marry someone now, it's probably more for companionship than anything else. (And of course for kids, duh). I don't expect too much of them really. But that's just me. Gawd, I hope I don't sound MCP. But perhaps I'm one at heart. It's just that, nobody has really impressed me... In fact, I remain quite disappointed...

Damn I just wrote some pretty controversial stuff. But it's good to get it off my heart. I hope nobody gets offended.

About my experience with my core modules

Woot... I have so many things to say today that I'm blogging the second time in a day! Mezurashi eh?

So far, out of all my cores, I have taken Computing modules, Maths modules, Life Science modules, Statistics... Forget the Organic Chem module, because it's too freaking disgusting to mention... I'll have to retake that freaking disgusting module and I don't even know if I will pass the second time. Why the hell is it my core?! Anyway, I digress.

So far, I've had the most fun with Computing and Maths modules... They're interesting and the content is like brain teasers... They really make you think... And they keep you involved! +1 for engaging! (And also because I got my only A+ there)

Life Science modules are quite interesting but the exams and tests SUCK TO THE MAX. Seriously. I mean come on, it's an university for god's sake! And here they are emphasizing memory work. They claim to test your concepts, but they are just testing you on how well you remember the fine details... Which is good and all, but I hate it! I am the kind of person who will never read a book twice and you ask me to regurgitate stuff?! NO THANKS! I especially hate those kind of questions where they expect you to remember some random molecule and what it does. And some questions are only tricky because they are actually really simple but you have to read the question really carefully. And I'm such a careless person that I always get tricked. Yes I know, learning to read the question carefully is an important skill, but still, that's cheap... Doing Life Science modules is like playing games of Concentration... I prefer my brain teasers, thank you...

As for Statistics, I find it interesting. With all that probability and uncertainty, you learn to look at things from a whole new different perspective. For example, it's actually not rare to find someone with a birthday same as yours. To learn more, check out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Birthday_problem And other eye-opening stuff. But as usual, exams suck. Haha.

I hope I can survive... I like learning stuff, but the grades get to me sometimes... And sometimes, I just want to give up. I hate studying for the sake of grades.

I love food, REALLY

So, today I almost wanted to buy Macs... On my way there, I passed by a little homey cafe and saw "Nasi Lemak (Brown Rice)" on the menu... And I was like, okay... And then I marched on to Macs... But the (Brown Rice) left its mark on my mind, and it was past three already, which means no more extra value meal promotion... Being the innately curious and healthfreak creature that I am, I made a 180 degree turn and never looked back...

The cafe was really small though. I had to squeeze my way through those tables and chairs. The auntie was very nice, very qin qie, something to be expected of such a homey establishment. There was no eggs left, so she offered to replace it with something else. So sweet! This was a great find though. Thankfully I decided to buy Macs near my home instead of at Ang Mo Kio today, if not I wouldn't have known of this place... The brown nasi lemak was quite nice. I could taste a little coconut there, but the taste of the brown rice overpowered the coconut in the end... I was damn full when I finished it. Very filling, I must say. And very unique, too. I'm a fan of nasi lemak, yet this is my first time seeing brown nasi lemak!

Speaking of food, people are always telling me to eat more. I know they mean well, but I just can't help but get irritated sometimes. Once or twice is enough, but when you hear that from everyone... Surely you'll get sick of it. EVERY year, some of my relatives comment that I have become much thinner. I remain unchanged every year, and yet they think I'm growing thinner. So I should be a skeleton by now man. I should be getting used to it, but it still irks me. It's not fair. If I won't comment that you should get thinner, why would you comment that I should get fatter? Sometimes it boggles my mind. It's not a very nice thing to comment on, but they wouldn't know because they think it's so easy to get fat. And I guess I'm guilty of thinking the same way - How the f**k do people not get thin if they want to? Just eat healthy and be active; Is it that hard?! Yeah, so we're quits alright.

Well just to let you to know, I don't intentionally starve myself! To me, telling people to eat more is like telling fat people to starve themselves! Yeah I know, what the f**k right?!! That is true, but you wouldn't realise it... Unless you were naturally thin. Anyway, I eat normally! And sometimes, I eat voraciously! Almost every morning, at 5.43am, WITHOUT FAIL, I eat a raisin bun (sometimes with milk) and rush out to school. Then I eat one normal plate of meat noodles in school for breakfast. I bet you don't even eat that much for breakfast! After that, I eat the average lunch and sometimes the average dinner at school or homemade dinner. Or sometimes, even both! In other words, I eat dinner at school then I eat homemade dinner/supper at home! And sometimes I even eat instant ramen for supper. Beat that! Granted, I don't drink soft drinks but I am liberal about my choices of foods... I will eat ice cream with glee, drink bubble tea like it's nothing and just chomp down any nice (healthy) snack in sight! Do you get it now? Screw you!

So, why am I still so skinny? There are two plausible explanations. Firstly, it was inherited. Secondly, I'm quite active. Oh actually there's a third one. Something is hiding inside my stomach and eating all my food. F**k it would be scary if that were the case! I sincerely hope that's not happening. *Prays to all the gods* Yes, I want to get fat. Yes, I know how to get fat. But no, I can't get fat. So please, you all, give me a break. I deserve at least that much. Thank you.