Rage part 2

Damn I don't know why I'm still angry and still writing posts but I need to get it out of my system. Still seriously disturbed.

This bitch was crazy. Kept asking if I loved her. And didn't know why she felt that I did not love her. The answer is VERY SIMPLE. Because she did not love anyone. She's not capable of that. She did not love herself, neither did she love me. How can someone who doesn't love anything feel love? Nothing that I ever do will make her feel loved. Because she's not capable of that in the first place. And that is the simple answer. She said she wanted me to take all the initiative because it would make her feel loved. Hahahaha. What rubbish. What about me? What about making me feel loved? Well for me, I can feel loved without depending on external validation, but the fact that it was always about her says volumes. It was always about her. It was a black hole.

Another crazy question that she asked was if I would spend on her. A big implication that I should spend everything on her. No mention of doing ANYTHING for me that would be worth my assets. Self-entitled princess. And what answer could I give other than yes? What a trap question? Stop asking stupid trap questions. It was only 1 month and you expected me to give my whole life to you? Fucking crazy bitch. What did you ever do to deserve that? The way you treated me in the past, you should be glad I gave you a chance. I gave you a chance only because you were my first love. You treated me like shit. You treated me like food voucher. Like an emotional tampon.

She kept asking for my time and attention. Whether I would help her with her tuition, whether I would help her build some website, whether I would do this, whether I would do this. Fuck it. It was always about HER. I have my own life. What did she ever do for me? NOTHING.

Another trap I fell into. She was always full of laughter in text. But in person she was miserable all the time. And she did mention that she was an unhappy person. So at least she didn't lie about that. She never laughed at whatever I said. That is a big sign that she didn't actually like me. She rarely had a genuine smile. I bet she was just pretending anyway. And those fake smiles that she did... it was so creepy.

Always complaining about life. Always the victim. Everything she did she brought it upon herself. Yet she would never admit it. Always tired and drinking so much coffee just to stay awake. Hahaha it's ridiculous. Obviously she would feel tired since she overloaded her damn schedule. Obviously she would get headaches all the time from substance abuse and overwork. What a stupid girl.

And picking up guys for LTRs through clubbing? Haha what a dumb girl. No wonder your LTRs failed and your guys cheated on you. You are lousy at mate selection. And you think you'll pick better mates through alcohol laded glasses? Hahaha. Dumb. I don't know how they were like but from what little you told me, I'm quite sure I would be the best guy you'd ever have. I was the first guy you picked and you picked me while NOT DRUNK AT LEAST. But you probably dumped me because of another guy. Both times. I'm very, very sure of that. You said you had inferiority complex, but you could go with other guys. Hahahaha. Hypergamy in action even though you are such a lousy person.

And the worst thing is... falling in "love" so quickly and trapping people in relationships because of your sick and twisted need for validation. It was only 2 weeks that we talked and we never even met and you already wanted to trap me in a relationship? Sick girl. I should have known it was too good to be true. You were just playing with my feelings. Fortunately my gut instinct was sending me warning flags the whole time we were together so I wasn't totally blind. I was serious about the relationship but there was a small part of my foot out the door. Lucky I wasn't that blue pill. I'm actually quite lucky to have escaped relatively unscathed.

I could tell. You were just using me. The signs weren't that obvious, and that's why I opted to stay and observe further, to give you further chances. Good that you showed your true colours so quickly. Saved me a world of hurt. You were being flakey anyway, avoiding meeting me like half of the time. Half of it I attributed to true stuff, half of it I knew something was wrong.

I have never met anyone as broken as you. What's your problem? What made you so broken? Seriously, the only reason why you're still in my head is my curiosity. How could you be so broken? And how did guys even love you despite you being so broken? Were you always like this? I don't believe you treated your 4-year ex so badly else it wouldn't have lasted for so long. But then again. Who knows. I'm still curious but it's really none of my business. All I can do is guess.

I'm really glad I brought you to met my parents, my relatives. Btw, it's really no big deal for me for girls to meet my family. Even friends. You probably thought otherwise. Every time after you met them, you would ask me if they liked you. Like seriously wtf? I'm so glad you met them, if not I wouldn't have known how broken you were.

OMG. I still can't believe I got involved with such a broken and crazy girl who threatened to call the police because she couldn't deal with things like an adult. Seriously, the letter I sent to her mum? Part of it was out of desperation, and a small part of it was wanting to troll her. I think it worked. Thank my Scorpio nature for that. I subconsciously did it even though I was devastated at that time. A subtle way of getting revenge. Damn petty, I know but I think it was worth seeing her lousy reaction. To confirm that she was a lousy person and that I was better off without her. Maybe she got angry because she knew I was trying to troll her. Hahaha. I don't think it's that obvious though.

Anyway, this is really the last straw for me. I would love to say that I still believe in love and I still trust girls and this is just an isolated incident. But I've been through so much and met so many girls who disappointed me. I'm done with relationshits. Even girls in general. Especially Singaporean girls. I haven't met anyone who was worth the trouble. All the girls I've met -- they either have some crazy emotional baggage, or they're just plain self-entitled. Or they expect the guys to take all the initiative. There is a reason why so many guys are single. Because they're sick of women's bullshit. And women love waiting. Waiting for that prince on a white horse to save them from their flawed selves. Guys aren't falling for that trick anymore. All you get when you save a damsel in distress, is a distressed damsel. Damaged goods.

P.S. this is the first time I took so many shit tests from a girl. This girl must be the queen of shit tests. There's at least one every day. Imagine that. Your mum was right -- you are gonna chase away guys like that.